When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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