From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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