So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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