3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
two words...techno handjob
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
