I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
