Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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