i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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