Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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