its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
