I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So apparently I’m into choking now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
