You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
