i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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