I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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