I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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