Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
