im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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