so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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