Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
