Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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