ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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