just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
