Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
