i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
