I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!