He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.