you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
