wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.