im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?