There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
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Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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