If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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