fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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