i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
