I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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