my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
