I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
