Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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