It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
