Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have already put on my inside pants.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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