I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
