I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
