Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
