Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
