he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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