it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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