I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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