This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
