He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
