where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
