that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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