I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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