I think I won the penis lottery.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize