Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
