I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
