Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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