can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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