I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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