The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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