yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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