don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
