I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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