Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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