He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
be right there i have to get my cape
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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