it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
