the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
