I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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