I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
