is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My vagina is officially offended.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
