I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
