my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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