The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
