I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
