I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
