i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
