from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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